The Lord Of The Rings

There is a quote from the last movie in the series, Lord of the Rings which struck deep in me when I read it. I became emotional when I pondered the meaning of it relative to our lives, our journey and the things that we have experienced as a family when we moved to Belize and lived here. I actually wrote this in my journal at home on March 21st, 2010.

"I think Frodo has just been through too much. His scars run too deep. After years of being back at the shire they still haven't healed. In the movie, he asks the rhetorical questions: "How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? And then Frodo explains. "There are just some things time cannot mend or change. Some hurts that go too deep."

We have been projecting on the wall in the Lodge, the movie, The Lord of the Rings. For the last two nights we have hurried to eat, pushed all of the tables and chairs against the wall and watched these amazing movies amidst the rain and thunder going on around us. At one point in the second movie, Twin Towers, the rain and thunder outside was matching the rain and thunder going on in the movie during a epic battle scene. It was awesome, I felt taken up with the endless spiritual themes that this movie brings.

Coming back here has been beneficial in many, many ways. So many times after we came home in 2007, I found it difficult to share my true feelings with others because the thoughts and emotions I had seemed too dramatic or maybe an overreaction. I kept hearing in my own heart and mind..."get over it, move on." I am sure others probably felt the same, but out of love, they listened again and again and again.

Yet, being here has made me realize that in the short three and a half years that we have been back home, God has literally re-crafted our lives once again. New purposes and plans are beginning to take shape. I struggled so much after we came home to hold close to my heart the lessons I learned, and to the experiences that were so meaningful. I secretly feared that anything we could do again, would just be dwarfed in comparison. The harder I tried to hold the memories and remember the feelings, the more they began to slip away. After a while, I honestly could not envision a time ever again that would compare with the experiences that we shared. I am sure most people who move to a foreign country, for any amount of time can relate to these mixed emotions. For sure, living here was a time of heightened spiritual sensitivities and interactions with uncommon animals, nature and peoples that can never be duplicated.

Nevertheless over time, I realized that I have a choice to find God and to take hold of His Word and His truth and apply it no matter where I am at. I realize now that the lull and desert season that accompanied our return home was so necessary and so purposeful. What it has accomplished in me is a deepening faith, by grace, that is much more solid than ever before. I have learned to love God in all circumstances, the lows, the highs, the good and the bad. I know that in each of these opportunities, I am loved the same by my Father, I am delighted in and I am acceptable. And while Frodo lamented that some pains go too deep, and for sure this is true, it does not mean that these pains have to color our existence in shades of gray. In fact, these pains make us more alive and real to others who have the same pains and fears. I can fully accept the things that hurt, or wounded, and let God heal and then use them for what He intended to use them for all along.

I cannot wait to come home, where we belong, and to all those who wait for us in our community. It is our home, that we have been placed in by God's sovereign grace. And ohhhhh what a lovely place it is! (I had a huge black scorpion in my cabana last night. It sort of looked like one of the demon soldiers in the movie. Kevin slayed it!)

We miss our Andrew! He was never afraid.

This was a scripture that I ran across a few yeas ago. I held tight to it as a promise as it sums up much better what I am trying to say. Hebrews 6: 9-12 "Dear friends........ We are confident that you are meant for better things, things that come with salvation. ¹⁰ For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers,^[a] as you still do. ¹¹ Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true."